OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
