How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Found your dick twin last night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
