you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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