i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
