the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
