You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
