AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
