The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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