hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
