why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
