I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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