Sober January is a disaster.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
