Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
