I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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