You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize