i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
