Sorry, I don't speak sober.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
