these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
