I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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