Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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