dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
