Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
