You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
