Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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