You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
