Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
