We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
