i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
seriously i just wanna be friends
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!