Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.