Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!