I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...