Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
