Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
