Your face is a jimmy john
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
