apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
