mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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