Moan for me like Helen Keller
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
