we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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