I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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