is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
