Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
