Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
