I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you never un-have a 4some
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
