on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
