I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
