Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
