how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
