Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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