he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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