well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
