fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
