so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
