it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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