Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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