You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Found the puke drawer
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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