Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
