If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I deserve this hangover.
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