i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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