The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
