one word: firstdatebathroomanal
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
