Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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