At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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