I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize