Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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