so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
