Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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