it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
