Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
