THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
