I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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