I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
