How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
