In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
