so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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