Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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